It is important for men to remember that as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger.  When you notice this, try not to yell at them.  Some are oversensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman. My name is Harvey.  Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Shirlee.  When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Shirlee to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.  Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning to show her age.  I usually get home from the golf club or fishing about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.  I don’t yell at her.  Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.  I generally have lunch  stopping by a dock with a bar and grill so eating out is not reasonable.  I’m ready for some home-cooked grub after a hard day of fishing when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating, but now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.  I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves.  I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed. Another symptom of aging is complaining.  I think.   For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.  But, boys, we take ‘em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement.  I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days.  That way she won’t have to rush so much.  I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any — if you know what I mean.  I like to think tact is one of my strong points. When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.  She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard.  I try not to make a scene.  I’m a fair man.  I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.  And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too. I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Shirlee.  I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy.  Many men will find it difficult.  Some will find it impossible!  Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.  However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.  After all, we are put on this earth to help each other. Signed, Harv EDITOR’S NOTE: Harvey died suddenly on July 29 of a perforated rectum.  The police report says he was  found with a Johnny Morris Elite Series Bass Rod  with a Pflueger bait casting reel Jammed up his rear end, with barely 1 inch of the grip sticking out.  His wife Shirlee was arrested and was charged with murder.  It took the all-woman jury just 10 minutes to find her not guilty, accepting her defense that Harvey somehow without looking accidentally sat down on his fishing rod.

I’m dusting off my sadly neglected blog to urge you to tune in to The History Channel’s series “America The Story of Us.”  If American history had been taught like this in school, I might not have slept through it.  Told in 12 one-hour easily digestible bites, it’s highly entertaining and immensely informative.  Did you know that one of the reasons George Washington was successful in the Revolutionary War was because of his spy network?  And that he appointed a gay Baron from Prussia to train his rag-tag and dispirited troops at Valley Forge?  Or that a single shot by a sharpshooter may have turned the tide in the war over to the Americans?

Stunningly beautiful photography, dramatic reenactments of key moments, and commentary by leading historians as well as the likes of Colin Powell, Buzz Aldrin, Michael Douglas, Tom Brokaw, and Donald Trump, it is “an intensive look at the people, places and things that have shaped our nation, and the tough and thrilling adventure that is America’s 400-year history.”  You will gain an ever deeper appreciation of the hardships and difficulties our forefathers (and mothers!) endured to shape our nation.

It’s on Sunday nights at 9:00 but the episodes are repeated throughout the week as well as available on the website.   I find this series particularly compelling given where we are politically in our history and would love to know what you think!

By now we all know that the U.S.  House of Representatives has deemed itself smarter than the majority of Americans by virtue of the health care bill it just passed.  But I was truly blown away to realize the true genius of  one of these esteemed members  from our own state of Georgia.  Listen to him question the Navy’s Admiral Robert Willard about the proposed relocation of 8,000 service members and their families to the island of Guam.   I know I wouldn’t have been smart enough to raise the concern that the island might tip over.

As the commenter said, “you can’t fix stupid, but you can vote it out.”  BTW, this is Hank Johnson of the 4th district of Georgia.

Red Envelope is an upscale mail order operation (www.redenvelope.com) from whom I’ve ordered several times.  This last time, however, when I ordered a Christmas gift, they automatically enrolled me in a program that has been charging $14.95 monthly to my debit card.  They call this “Red Envelope Rewards,” but the only one getting rewarded was this scammer!  I shop online frequently, and am very, very careful to watch what I’m agreeing to when I provide my credit card information.  In this case, they ask only for your email address and name so that they can send you a $15 gift certificate toward a future purchase.  Apparently hidden somewhere in the fine print is information about the ongoing charges.  Neither the gift certificate nor the “Welcome package” (which I learned about while on hold today) ever arrived. Nor is there ANY information about this program anywhere on their website.

I have demanded a full refund (luckily, they only got me for two months) and have filed a deceptive practices complaint with the Georgia Consumer Affairs department.  So BEWARE of these merchants, all related:

Red Envelope

Pro Flowers

Cherry Moon

Shari’s Berries

Please pass this on to all your friends who shop online!

Not the best quality video, but hilarious nonetheless…

I love makeup.  I think you’re never too old to try to look good and to feel good about yourself.  Maybe I get this from my paternal grandmother, who – according to my mother, at least – put on fresh makeup before she went to bed in case she was attacked during the night.  (This was the same Nana who, when her hearing began to fade, put a sign next to her doorbell that said “Ring Loud.”  Think about it.)

Anyway, I don’t wear makeup to bed, but I do love to try new products and if I were a rich woman would spend a lot of time at Ulta  and Sephora trying out everything in the store.  I also believe you don’t have to spend a fortune on this stuff. 

My latest discovery is Cover Girl’s smokyshadowblast eye shadow.  It comes in a tube like lipstick, with a base color on one end and the smoky accent color on the other.   For a daytime look, you just swipe the base color, then line with the accent color, fill in the crease with it, blend a little, and voila!  It takes all of a minute to do it.  For evening, you can go a little more dramatic with the accent color.  Instructions are included.  There are six different color combinations.

The only place I’ve found it is at Rite-Aid, for $8.

In the interest of full disclosure, I must point out that there are reviews on Cover Girl’s website and they are not universally positive.  The stick will break off if it’s unwound too far, and the contoured tip will loss its shape just like lipstick does.  But I’ve had no problems with creasing or smudging or short wear time.   For me, this is my newest favorite thing, but I’m just sayin’…YMMV!

Can it really be a whole decade since we worried about Y2K and our computers all crashing?  Are we really one-tenth of the way through the 21st century already?  We haven’t even figured out what to call this decade yet, and it’s almost over.  From a purely personal perspective, this is the decade in which:

• I didn’t change addresses for the first decade in my life.
• The 2000 presidential election shenanigans caused me to wake up and pay attention to what’s going on in Washington.
• We elected George W. Bush twice and then finally broke the color barrier to the White House (wrong person, but it still matters).
• I quit smoking, and so did some other long-time smokers I know.
• My husband got new knees and lost part of his colon (I kept all my body parts, and I’m older than he is!).
• I became a senior citizen (at least in the eyes of Publix and the Social Security Administration, if not according to Medicare).
• I didn’t spend even one minute in the corporate world.
• I drove the same car the entire decade.
• I learned to blog, to Twitter, and to deal with the ups and downs of Facebook.
• Thanks to the internet, I reconnected with some old friends and family.
• After nearly 30 years with the same company, I changed jobs 5 times.
• I  lost my beloved Chloe on a Thanksgiving morning.
• Technology continues to boggle the mind.  Who would have thought a decade ago that we’d all be old hands at burning CD’s, digital photography (when’s the last time you saw a roll of film?), emailing all sorts of stuff including legal documents, pictures, videos, and watching TV and movies on our (flat, wide-screen) computer monitors?  Not to mention what we can do with our cell phones.
• I gained a devious Border Collie, who is the smartest dog in the world, and an Old English Sheepdog, who is the funniest and quirkiest dog in the world, and I love them both dearly, along with their big brother, Alex the mutt.
• Alex had successful knee surgery.
• No cats were lost or added.  At 17, 13, and 11, someone has to go this decade.
• We gained a grand-dog and a grand-cat, but still no human grandchildren.  Maybe next decade.
• We became a three-computer family.  How did we ever survive before?  Let’s not talk about how many TV’s we can’t live without.

I’m sure there are other highlights I’m forgetting, and there was some not-so-fun stuff that’s just as well forgotten.  Some major milestones await us in the next decade, but we take one day at a time and try to appreciate what comes our way.  So Happy New Year and Happy New Decade! (Twenty-ten, or will it be Two-thousand-ten??)

Sorry, this is a re-run from last year.  But I still love it and hope you do, too

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. Bad decisions make good stories.

10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

11. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page project that I swear I did not make any changes to.

12. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

13. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone, just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Coors Lites than Kay.