1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. Bad decisions make good stories.

10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

11. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page project that I swear I did not make any changes to.

12. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

13. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone, just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Coors Lites than Kay.

From Alabama –

And behind the scenes of how it was made –

My friend Kimberly sent this to all her dog loving friends.  I think it applies just as well to the kitties and other critters that inhabit our lives and homes:

“Here in this house……. ….

I will never know the loneliness I hear in the barks of the other dogs ‘out there’.
I can sleep soundly, assured that when I wake my world will not have changed.
I will never know hunger, or the fear of not knowing if I’ll eat.
I will not shiver in the cold, or grow weary from the heat.
I will feel the sun’s heat, and the rain’s coolness,
and be allowed to smell all that can reach my nose.
My fur will shine, and never be dirty or matted.
Here in this house…

There will be an effort to communicate with me on my level.
I will be talked to and, even if I don’t understand,
I can enjoy the warmth of the words.
I will be given a name so that I may know who I am among many.
My name will be used in joy, and I will love the sound of it!
Here in this house…

I will never be a substitute for anything I am not.
I will never be used to improve peoples’ images of themselves.
I will be loved because I am who I am, not someone’s idea of who I should be.
I will never suffer for someone’s anger, impatience, or stupidity.
I will be taught all the things I need to know to be loved by all.
If I do not learn my lessons well, they will look to my teacher for blame.
Here in this house…

I can trust arms that hold, hands that touch…
knowing that, no matter what they do, they do it for the good of me.
If I am ill, I will be doctored.
If scared, I will be calmed.
If sad, I will be cheered.
No matter what I look like, I will be considered beautiful and thought to be of value.
I will never be cast out because I am too old, too ill, too unruly, or not cute enough.
My life is a responsibility, and not an afterthought.
I will learn that humans can almost, sometimes, be as kind and as fair as dogs.

Here in this house…
I will belong.
I will be home.”

I thought it was wonderful but not quite complete.  So I added:

“Here in this house…

I can puke on the new rug and pee on the bath mat when I really can’t control myself and get away with it.  I can shred a new roll of paper towels or box of tissues and only get yelled at for a little while.   It’s understood that anything on the kitchen counter or island really belongs to me.

I can relax anywhere I want, any time I want.  My buds and I can hog the couch all day if we want to.  Dog beds are for sissies.  Here in this house, I will never be lonely.

 

 

 

 

 

Here in this house, I can blow out my knee and know that I will be able to walk and play again, despite the $3,000 vet bill and having to be carried up the stairs every night for two weeks and rehabbed for 3 months.  And no matter how tight the budget,  I will always get Christmas presents in this house. 

Here in this house, the world definitely revolves around….ME!!!”

Ask any real estate agent…

In my neighborhood, some people decorate for Halloween just as elaborately as they do for Christmas.  In fact, they go all out and really let their imaginations soar.  The same houses that sport traditional, stately white lights at Christmas time with red bows and greenery on the mailbox become gruesome torture chambers complete with soaring monsters, screaming ghosts, cemetaries and tombstones.  The parents have way more fun with this than the kids do.  But I’ve never seen anything quite like this!

By the way, the homeowner says the kids aren’t really scared by this!

H/T Boortz.com

For the past ten days or so, the marrow bones that my dogs are addicted to have been unavailable at our grocery store.  So when they’ve been twitching during those long naps, this must be what they’ve been dreaming about.

I read recently that cats meow only at humans and not at each other.  (Who determined this and how was not explained!)  I have since tried to observe my three cats to see if there is any truth to this, but aside from cookie time in the morning, they don’t have a whole lot to do with each other.  But now, through the magic of YouTube, we have conclusive proof that the unnamed scientist is wrong!

And for those of you who don’t speak feline, here is the translation:

Kellie Pickler tells Ellen how it’s done.